


All In Good Taste

by cazflibs



Category: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Genre: Happy Birthday LVM!, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 11:36:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21319546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cazflibs/pseuds/cazflibs
Summary: It's been two years since Lister and Rimmer's first kiss which means, once again, it's Lister's birthday. But this time it's a Big One. What does Rimmer have in store? And how will Lister cause chaos this time?
Relationships: Dave Lister/Arnold Rimmer
Comments: 13
Kudos: 42





	All In Good Taste

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LordValeryMimes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordValeryMimes/gifts).
  * Inspired by [A Matter of Taste](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16522919) by [cazflibs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cazflibs/pseuds/cazflibs). 

> Written, once again, for my dearest space wife's birthday. Happy Birthday, darling! Big one today today huh? ;-) The big F- *gets handful of Smarties shoved into mouth*

"Oh, it finally stirs from its pit," Rimmer chided from the kitchenette as Lister emerged, disheveled, from the tangled bedsheets. "And here was me thinking you planned to sleep the big day away."

"You always get up hours before me, man." Lister stretched, releasing a satisfying crack from his neck before slumping back into his default position. "That's how _this_ \- " he gestured a finger back and forth between them " - has always worked." 

"I'm aware of the _understanding_," Rimmer muttered distractedly, hazel eyes flitting in critical assessment across his latest baked creation. "But don't expect it to be a habit that is _understood_."

Drawing himself up onto his tiptoes, Lister rested his chin on the hologram's shoulder and sighed happily. "So what has the delicious Delia Smith got in store for me this year, eh?"

"Sod off, you old git."

"Unconventional birthday greetin', but I'll take it."

Snorting his amusement, Rimmer craned back to meet him for a peck on the lips. "Happy Birthday," he conceded before returning his attention to his project and adding, " - you old git."

"Smeg off!" Lister sulked, thrusting his hands under his armpits. "I'm not old! I'm the picture of wizened maturity, that's all. The pinnacle of sophistication and - ooh, Smarties! I love these!" 

He'd managed to sneak a handful before a reprimanding smack on the hand put paid to his plot. "So what is it?" Lister asked through chocolatey chews. "Doesn't look much like a cake to me."

"Funnily enough, it doesn't resemble a cake because it _isn't_ a cake." Using tiny amounts of the royal icing in his piping bag, Rimmer carefully added another minute flower to the already blooming array. "It's a scale representation of the Taj Mahal in detailed gingerbread miniature."

Lister smiled wryly as he watched the tall man stoop to inspect his creation with his trusty speaking spirit level. "You've got way too much time on your hands, nowadays," he chuckled with a warm shake of the head. "You know that, don'tcha?"

_Level._ "I've served my time doing the whole hair-flicking nonsense, thank you," Rimmer sniffed. "I'm rather enjoying my early retirement focusing on the finer things."

"What," Lister sniggered, plucking up the cup of tea that had been sat patiently for him. "Like draftin' Health & Safety manuals and levellin' baked goods?" 

Rimmer granted him a flat stare in return. "And what do _you_ plan to do with your Autumnal years, eh?" A smug smirk bobbed to the surface of his features. "After all, bit of a big milestone today, isn't it?"

Whatever fluster Lister may have experienced, he drowned it immediately in a long slurp from his tea. "Dunno what you're talkin' about."

"It's a big one, isn't it, m'laddo?"

"Hush up, you."

"You know! The big f- " Rimmer's words were cut off as the Scouser shoved a handful of Smarties into his mouth. 

"Smeg off and eat your chocolate!" Dusting his hand against the material of his white onesie, Lister took a defiant sip of his tea. "Besides, it's only a number. You're only as old as you feel, y'know." 

"Still," Rimmer swallowed, "it was a notable age and I felt it deserved a suitable tribute." Running a white line of royal icing along the edges of another piece of gingerbread, he placed it carefully against the structure, holding it in place to dry. "I guess that's where I got the idea of recreating an _ancient relic_."

"Oh, you reckon, eh?" 

Thumping down the tea, Lister earned a flash of a frown in return. "Careful!" Rimmer spluttered, still holding the precarious piece in place with both hands. "This is a very delicate operation! It requires 110% concentration at all times!"

"Does it now?" Lister replied pointedly as he plucked up the abandoned piping bag. Mischievous eyes roamed thoughtfully across the man's features as he cocked his head, like an artist regarding a blank canvas.

Rimmer's face sank in realisation. "Don't you smegging dare."

"Shh!" Lister hushed in mock reply. "This is a very delicate operation! It requires 110% concentration at all times!" And with a barely-contained grin, Lister carefully drew an ornate icing moustache above Rimmer's lip.

"Lister," the hologram began sullenly, in stark contrast to the loud cackles of laughter from the man beside him. "I swear, in forty seconds time, you'll be paying for that _dearly_, squire."

"Why forty?" Lister asked, wiping away tears of mirth that had begun to track heartily down his cheeks.

Rimmer nodded to the gingerbread section in his hand. "That's how much longer it'll take for this royal icing to set." With a careful crane of the head, he regarded his watch. "Thirty-five seconds now, by the way - you'd better get a head-start." With his hands otherwise occupied, he treated the man to a flick of the eyebrow instead. "I know you're rather past your peak nowadays, given this latest milestone."

"That so?" Lister countered cockily before adding a goatee beard to Rimmer's now decidedly sticky features.

"Oh, you utter bastard." Despite the barbed insult, Rimmer couldn't stop the edges from being softened with a snort of amusement. "Twenty-two seconds now, and you'll be - hang on, what are you doing?"

_Click._ "Just capturin' a beautiful moment forever." Lister's cheeks were bunched in a hamster-esque grin as he grinned down at the photo he'd captured on his comms device. With a double-tug of his brow, tumeric-stained thumbs furiously began to hammer out a message on the ship-wide system. "And, y'know," he teased with a cock of the head, "ensurin' that everybody, includin' the skutters and the vending machines, get to have a gander."

"Lister, don't even think about it - that's an order!"

Backing slowly towards the doorway, the Scouser snorted in amused dismissal as he continued to set up the ship-wide send. "Now, the gingerbread is pretty sweet and all that, but _this_ is the best birthday present you could ever give me, man."

"Ten seconds, m'laddo, and I'm going to repay the favour!" Rimmer threatened with a malicious nod to the icing bag.

From the doorway, Lister flashed him a wink. "That a promise?"

"Mmm," Rimmer hummed, eyes darkening with intent as he watched the Scouser shrink back playfully into the shadows of the corridor. "And wipe that smug smirk off your face."

"With tongues, I hope," came the flirtatious reply before erupting into a delighted squeal only seconds later when the hologram finally caught up with him.

Now _this_, Lister decided in between sweet, sticky kisses, was going to be a birthday to remember.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [An Acquired Taste](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27398887) by [cazflibs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cazflibs/pseuds/cazflibs)


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